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Readers Respond: How Did You Handle Finding Out You Had Herpes?

Responses: 147

By

Updated April 06, 2009

Trying to stay sane

I've known I have genital herpes for three years now. I am 49 years old. I was married before for 20 years during that time I had a two year relationship with another man. Very stupid of me I know. This is where I think I caught the virus. I had only showed one symptom which I thought was a bad yeast infection during that time frame. I noticed bad pain, and lesions, discharge. Afterwards, nothing for 7years. I never gave it a second thought. I remarried someone else and then my Mom had a severe stroke, I had a outbreak as bad as the one 7 years before. This time it came back and back and still about every three months I have an outbreak. It makes me feel ashamed, dirty, and alone. My now husband has no symptoms.We don't talk much about it. This virus interferes with pap tests, I had a mild case three months ago had a pap come back abnormal due to maybe infection, three months follow up and now time to go in and I'm having another one.Trying to work my life around herpes is emotional.
—Guest Guest Becky

I'm really scared!

Well, I'm only 14 years old, & I was dealing with one of my bestfriends, who is older then me. Me & him have dealed for a bit over a year now, & I did have strong feelings towards him. For the first time last week, or so, he gave me oral sex (I'm a girl)... & everything was fine for about a week... than I dramaticly became extremely sick, headache, dizziness, drowsiness, coughing, stomach flu, not eating alot, etc... & my dad took me to the doctor's.. we all thought it was just the flu or a bug I caught. I explained my sickness to the doctor, and than explained the itchiness, and burning feeling I had in my vagina, & how painful it was to urinate. She took a look at it, & immediately thought it was herpes. I took the news really bad, began crying. She comforted me. I am ashamed! I went back to the waiting room to get my dad, I told him that I just had a flu, and that my vagina just had an irritation. I now hate my ex-bestfriend. What a prick. My life is ruined, I'm only 14.
—Guest Lalala

I Can't stop crying

Much like everyone else that has come to this site, I really appreciate all the stories. It has truly helped me get through this emotionally painful situation. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I am 99.9% sure I have herpes. I had sex with a girl who I knew had herpes and figured if I used a condom and washed off after sex I would be OK...wrong. Two days later I developed red bumps on my scrotum and now, three days after the bumps initially appeared, they're still there. I've read a lot of stories saying that warm water and soap will kill the virus, this is NOT TRUE! Now I have these bumps, but no other symptoms. They don't itch, burn, I don't have flu symptoms, these bumps are just there staring at me with a middle finger in the air. It's been an emotioal rollercoaster for sure. Crying, reading posts and feeling better, then crying again. I feel as if 80% of my dating pool has just fallen off the map, but what can I do now...I need to go the doctor and move on...
—Guest So Sad

sad

well, my boyfirned and I are together for more than a year and we have a long distance relationship and i got genital herpes from him, he didnt tell me he has herpes so one day i was in pain and i told him, i went to the docotr and i was positive, after that he told me that he got herpes years ago but he didnt know what it was, now i feel angry sometimes and sad becuase we were planning our wedding and i dont know if i want to continue with this, i feel alone and everytime i have an outbreak i remember that i got it from the person that i love.
—Guest norah

ouch!

I knew right away that I had it and it took me back to before I found out I was pregnant. I had warts but didnt pay attention to them and they went away so I thought nothing of it. Now 2 years later I have sex with 2 guys the entire two years and I get genital herpes. You never think it can be you. I'm invincible I thought. But I never thought id get pregnant either. It happens. its just possibly the worst pain I have ever been through. Id rather have 8 more kids than have this pain Im going through. I cant play with my daughter because I can hardly get up. And I have now taken stock in Vagisil buying it in bulk. I didnt sleep for 2 days due to the medicantion making my legs feel like there were spiders all over them. Its just hard because Im sure there are so many people in my life that have this but they just dont know. Its hard because I will now have to tell every man Im with and at my age(25) what guy wants to e with someone with herpes. Its hard but life goes on.
—Guest Steph

overnight

i have a new boyfriend and on Monday, three days after oral sex, i had this tingly, burning sensation, and the outside of my vagina was swollen. i thought the worst of it would be maybe bacterial vaginosis, but overnight, i developed bumps on the outside of my vagina. within a 7 hour day, i developed extremely painful bumps, lesions at the entrance to my vagina. i had to go to a night clinic. they did a swab and i'll know the results in 5 days. after researching online, i 99.9% sure i have herpes. i'm devastated. he did have a cold sore, but i ignored it. i feel like an idiot. and now i have to tell him what's going on with me. i keep hoping that maybe i was just a latent allergic reaction to lubricant or laytex. but, i know it's herpes. i can't even sit down right now and have a 3 hour plane ride tomorrow morning back home. i'm 37 years old, he's the 4th person i've ever had sex with. this is horrible. i feel really stupid.
—Guest in shock

Why me?

I still am dealing with the results. I have been in a relationship with this person for 2 years and this is what I leave with!! I feel like my life is over! I'm not married and fear that I nevern will be. He is going to swear up and down that I didn't get it from him but this is probably why my baby died months ago. Im angry and pissed off. Being faithful sucks!!! He has known about his cold sores since childhood. This is the first sight of them. Why didn't he say something before when I could have had a choice. Now its all over for me!
—Guest Wounded

It's OK

After finding out I had herpes, I was pretty devastated. I thought I wouldn't be able to comfortably have sex for weeks (which was quite depressing) and thought nobody would ever want to have sex with me again. Well, my sores only bothered me for less than 10 days, and boy, was I relieved. By the way, I definitely caught mine from an asymptomatic carrier, who has never seen a symptom, even after having sex with me during an outbreak. My point is, it may feel like the end of the world at first, but it's not. Your life will go on. If the outbreaks are even less severe as time goes on, I feel I have nothing to worry about. And the thought that outbreaks can be this little a problem for me (and possibly for others), gives me hope that people will still want to have sex with me.. lol. During a relationship, of course.
—Guest It's OK

ONE DAY AT A TIME

TODAY IS ANOTHER DAY AND I FEEL LIKE A LITTLE WEIGHT HAS BEEN LIFTED OFF MY SHOULDERS. BEFORE COMING ACROSS THIS WEBSITE WITH ALOT OF BRAVE INDIVIDUALS WILLING TO SHARE THEIR STORY I WAS ASHAMED. PLEASE DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND HAVING GENITAL HERPES IS NOT A BRAGING MATTER JUST KNOWING THERE ARE PEOPLE GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING HELP ME DEAL WITH MY SITUATION ALOT BETTER. I WAS DIAGONOSED 2 WEEKS AGO AND I AM ONLY 24. my boyfriend have not went to the doctor to find out if he is positive or not. HE SAID HE WOULD RATHER NOT KNOW BECAUSE KNOWING WILL NOT CHANGE HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME. NOT REALLY SURE WHAT TO DO BECAUSE I AM NOT SURE ON HOW LONG I HAVE HAD IT OR IF HE WAS THE ONE WHO GAVE IT TO ME.
—Guest CONFUSED

When life gives you Herpes

i am a 18 year old freshmen in college and just learned i have herpes. i had intercourse with a boyfriend and a couple days later i started feelin itching& burnin. i went to the school based nurse and she examined me and told me i had nothing to worry about(it's from shaving). not being satisfied with her diagnosis i decided to go to the ER, where i found out i contracted hsv-2. i returned to school & told my boyfriend what happened & asked when was his last std testing. he was devasted as i was but reassured me nothing would change between us even if he didnt have hsv-2. in conclusion, it turned out my boyfriend had "the clap"(so he says) which is weird cause i would most likely have it & it would of showed in the std testing. he also wanted to tell me that its best he focuses on school and not girls. i say "hey do you, just dont run around campus making me the herpes girl". i could have a more serious medical condition, but to every action is a reaction. U PLAY U PAY, wrap it up dwn.
—Guest ulive ulearn

DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED

I found out about 2 weeks ago I have genital herpes. It has been an emotional roller coaster ever since. I did inform my partner and I am waiting for him tomgo get tested. But he has been very supportive. I am not sure how long i have had it or whether i passed it to him or he gave it to me. It is all still very new to me and I cry most nights. I am currently experiencing an outbreak and am taking medication (valtrex). The symptoms are mild but i cant wait to get over this phase. I know it is simple but I am terrified I have a nine year old daughter and I fear I will pass her hsv 1 during an outbreak
—Guest confused

Owwwww

My first genital herpes symptoms started about five days ago. For the first two days my vagina and labia only hurt if I tried to have sex. Then, almost overnight, the pain tripled and was constant. I wasn't sure what was wrong, but the pain was so intense I went to the local clinic this morning. The doctor was going to do a full gynecological exam but as soon as she lifted the drape to examine me, she knew immediately that I had herpes. The exam was pretty painful, but then again so are the sores. I've been having some discharge, back pain, and swelling but nothing is as bad as the pain in and around my vagina. The doctor prescribed me acyclovir to help with the infection and lidocaine (a local anesthetic ointment) for the pain. The lidocaine helps a little, but the pain is still extreme. For those of you who said your first outbreak wasn't anything major, consider yourself lucky. I also found out that on top of the herpes infection, I also have a kidney infection right now. It sucks :
—Guest in pain

Really ?

So as my new years present I Had my first herpes outbreak! At first I was sore an felt sick then I examined myself and found bumps that eventually turned into ulcers. I went to the obgyn a few days later (wasn't open on weekends) I had to take a urine test >:0 soo painful. The doctor looked And could immediatly tell I had herpes. I had already expected herpes and accepted It for what it was and wanted to get meds. Unfortunately I wasn't ready for how painful this outbreak would be. I'm in my 2nd week of the outbreak I still can't walk but talking to friends about the situation is a BIG comfort !! I cried once when I was alone in the tub but not for Long because it truly made me realize how lucky we are to be alive, we get the chance to view life differently and really cherish it. To everyone that has this disease - we are more then this and it doesn't make us the people we are!! I have the rest of my life to live with this (I'm 17)and it will not handicap me. All love!!
—Guest Postive warrior

Comforted

I am totally comforted that there are others who have similar stories. I have only had three partners in my life. When I noticed the leisons I knew something was wrong and went into Urgent Care. The doctor was great but I was devasted and angry at my friend. He didn't know and after researching I understand that he wasn't lying about it. I was in so much pain that it was difficult to be patient with my students. One even asked me why I was so crabby. I told them even teachers have bad days. I lied and told people that I had shingles. It was difficult to pretend nothing was wrong because I wanted to rip off my skin it itched/hurt so bad. I went through a bout of not being able to pee too. It was horrible. It's been 3 wks and I have had 3 days of not itching. And I'm able to go to the bathroom. Finally I'm starting to feel normal again. I can feel the cloud lifting and I have hope that things will be better.
—Guest Strugglin

omg my lifes ruined

I just found out today i have genital herpies but the weird thing is the herpies was on my buttocks its my first outbreak and omg it was so painful my lymph nodes were swollen i couldnt sleep for days im taking this med every 4 hours for 10 days...I read that you can get your first out break up to 3-2weeks after exposure ok well ive been with my boyfriend 2 years and just had sex 2 weeks ago..anal at that im so angry and hatefull right now to him he said he never cheated and he said he has no outbreak so what am i supposed to believe .I just left him i dont deserve that done to me i dont want to get anything else from him.I will just be honest if and when i meet someone thats what i have to do...but then i read it can lye dormant for years ok how do you know you dont do you???
—Guest kimmy
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